Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?