I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING