I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ