Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
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Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
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I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
My boob is missing a layer of skin
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller