Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.