Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.