Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
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I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
I dont know to explain this.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
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Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.