dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Randomize
