You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
