a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize