I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
