dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?