so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
