Where are you?
In a non slutty way
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
