I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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