This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
