the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
