:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize
