got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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