Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
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