When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
