Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize