Since when is my name a synonym for head?
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
