I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
