i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
