My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize