nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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