so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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