True but thats because hes a fetus.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
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