whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
