This dress was meant to end up on your floor
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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