I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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