Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
