I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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