Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
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