u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
