you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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