We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Randomize
