Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
