there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
