MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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