Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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