I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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