I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
