There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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