did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.