we have pet lesbian snakes
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
21 People Reveal The Most Embarrassing Secrets They Know About Someone
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"