I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had