I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
