it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Im part way to drunk.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.