I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
