it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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