I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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