Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
