smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
