just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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