I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
