Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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