Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
