She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
