i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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