my mouth tastes like poor choices
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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