Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
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