the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize