Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
