What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
