My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
