Just cropdusted the office
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I forget how to act sober
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
