I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
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